Drag Queen Jambalaya

I was late getting to Boheme for drinks with some lesbian friends. I tried to play the “parking was awful” card but it was a half-baked attempt. Truth is, I became obsessed with finding a kitchen gadget on the internet and while my iPhone was frantically beeping to tell me I had something to do, I ignored it. In retrospect, I’m glad, since when I arrived two of the four lesbians were in an awkward argument. It ebbed and flowed for an hour but it never stopped. I gulped down my second Manhattan and pulled out a believable exit line. I don’t know about you but I try to stay clear of arguing lesbians.

On the walk back to my car, parked a zillion miles away since it was Saturday night in the heart of Houston’s gay community on Gay Pride Weekend, I tripped and fell over a bit of uneven sidewalk. Yes, I was looking at my phone and yes, it was my first instinct to protect the phone as I fell, not so much worrying about a sprain or bone breakage. Neither occurred and two drag queens en route did a 1-2 stop to make sure I was OK. As I looked up at the pair, I realized I had never seen powder blue eyelashes with sparkle-tips and blonde hair about 3 feet tall done up B-52’s beehive.

Convinced I was OK, they restarted the arduous process of walking in 10-inch stilettos and pencil skirts. One drag queen stopped under the street light, turned to the other, backed up with hands on hips and said – “You know what, your gonna need some foundation, your face is lookin’ like Jambalaya”.

I completely forgot about the road rash on my forearm.

I suppose all roads lead to food, since the experience reminded me that I haven’t had Jambalaya since Parents lived in New Orleans. Thanks to Breakup Guy, my new slow-cooker focus is still in play so here is my rendition of Jambalaya. It is not the traditional rice-in Creole version, I like rice on the side.

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Meats

  •  1 lb each Andouille Sausage, Chicken Thighs and Shrimp; sausage and chicken sliced, shrimp peeled and deveined.

Vegetables

  • I C each Celery, Onion, Green Bell Pepper; chopped
  • 3 Tins Chopped Tomatoes; drained
  • 5 Fresh Cayenne Peppers; chopped (optional depending on heat tolerance)
  • 1/4 C Parsley; chopped

Spices

  • 1-3 T Cajun Seasoning, like Tony Chachere’s (again, heat tolerance depending)
  • 1 T Dried Oregano
  • 1 t Dried Thyme
  • 1 t Cayenne Pepper
  • 1 C Chicken Stock

Put everything into the slow-cooker except the shrimp and parsley. Set it up for 8 hours on low then get on with other more important things. At hour 7 put in the shrimp and parsley, give it a good stir then come back in an hour when its done.

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Its done! I have a friend raised in New Orleans and he cries “Heresy!” every time I make Jambalaya with rice on the side. Now that I’ve added the Drag Queen descriptor, I’m sure he will be well on his way to an aneurysm.

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